A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but don’t start anything!”
This week ‘The Fussy One’ (i.e me), has been all over Los Angeles and at more tastings, restaurants and bars than ever before. I have so much to write about and catch up on, but looking out at the glorious sunshine here today I have decided I am going to start my real reviewing tomorrow and instead put up something ‘light and fun’ for the week-end.
Please note: This is a list of drinks that have a humor factor (name or story) I felt compelled to mention. I pride myself on my research in to drink origins usually, but many of the drinks in this post are told from ‘a friend of a friend’ and so the original creators are much harder for me to track down. There are many ‘amusing drink names’ out there but i’m not here to talk about the obvious ‘Screaming Orgasm’ or ‘Slippery Nipple’ shots, although these are sadly drinks that are ordered daily at many bars across America! The drinks in this post don’t contain ‘Peach Schnapps’ or ‘Apple Pucker’, they are more of the ‘Mixologists answer’ to pre fabricated spirits and artificial flavored silly named drinks!
First off I should say how the idea of ‘silly drink names and stories’ began. On Thursday night I ended up at Sadie in Hollywood (food review coming soon) when my always funny friend behind the bar asked;
“Would you like Ryan Gosling in your mouth?” l responded with “Excuse me? Would I like who in my mouth?!” with a cheeky smile he replied “Would you like a drink consisting of ‘Rye’ and ‘Goslings’? What did you think I meant?”
Everyone at the bar laughed. Needless to say, i’d never heard of that drink and thought it was very funny and clever. Thus began my research in to other ‘amusing drink names’ of its nature.
Rye ‘N Gosling
- 1oz Rye Whiskey
- 1oz Goslings Bermuda Rum
Actually not a bad combination, but pretty strong and not for someone who likes sweet mixed shots like myself. I have to admit I do have a very sweet tooth and sadly do like some of the drinks out there with artificial flavorings. I would never dream of ordering them at a mixology bar though, it is a complete insult to the barman’s skill and knowledge to do that. At a dive however, I see nothing wrong with the odd ‘Washington Apple’. My boyfriend cringes at the thought but those kind of drinks aren’t for sipping leisurely on whilst enjoying the ambience. In general these are shots taken quickly in a dirty dive bar to get drunk quickly and get the hell out!.
Maguey after Amaro
- 1 1/2oz Calle 23 Repasado
- 3/4oz Romazotti
- 3/4oz Fresh Lime juice
- 1/2oz Agave nectar
- 1 Egg White
Shake hard with one big ice cube. Serve in a tumbler.
Garnish: 3 Dashes of Miracle Mile ‘Forbidden Bitters’ on top
Bar man FutureGreg of Sadie and Bar Chloe in Santa Monica came up with this one (name came from the help of Dave Fernie of Harvard & Stone) when we were talking about drink puns and I thought it was pretty smart too. Sounds like the ‘Day after Tomorrow’ when said quickly and is an accurate description of the drink ingredients. Agave Americana is commonly known as maguey, or American aloe and is a plant found in Mexico used in the process of creating Tequila (they use blue Agave for Tequila). Romazotti is an Amaro.
Statutory Grape (Basically a red grape Gin collins)
- 4 Grapes
- 2oz Gin
- 1oz Lemon Juice
- 3/4oz Simple Syrup
- Fill with soda water
Shake and Strain. Then fill with soda water. Serve in collins glass
This drink name, i’m told, was created by bartender Dave Fernie from Harvard and Stone (he apparently has several great names like this up his sleeve) however I wasn’t able to get a hold of him in time for this post and am not 100% certain of the accuracy of the drink itself. What I have put up is basically a red grape Collins. ’The Collins’ is a drink dating back to Jerry Thomas and was first memorialized in writing in 1876 in his book “The Bon Vivant’s Companion and How to mix drinks’. This “gin and sparkling lemonade” drink was typically served in a Collins Glass over ice. It is really refreshing and a great one for summer!
Finally, I am going to end with a drink I hope NOONE ever orders. It is a story that just made me smile so made it to the list. I have a friend who works in a bar in Manhattan Beach, I asked him of any ‘funny drinks’ he’d heard of recently and proceeded to tell me this story:
“One of my bartender buddies in New York had a customer come in and order “A Lindsay Lohan on the rocks”. Being a mixology bar he said “I’m sorry sir, we only make classic cocktails and pre-prohibition style drinks with fresh fruits here, besides I have never heard of that drink anyway”. The customer turned to his friends and said “They can’t make that here” Out of curiosity the bartender said, “I’m sure I can make you something better but humor me, what’s in a Lindsay Lohan?” The customer smiled and responded, “Well, it’s a red headed slut with a splash of coke”.”
Needless to say, the bartender didn’t make it for him but thought it was pretty funny all the same and so did I. For those who don’t know, a ‘red headed slut’ is a nasty drink with jaegermeister in, the addition of coca cola is purely for the joke of the drink i’m sure.
- 1 1/2oz Jaegermeister
- 1 1/2oz Peach Schnapps
- Fill with Cranberry juice
- Splash of coke
Pour over ice, stir, and serve.
No joke, this has to be the most disgusting drink ever created. I have not, and hopefully will never, try this. I urge you to heed my warning! I really dislike Jaegermeister (has a licorice flavor) but with coke and cranberry together? Yuck! This drink is on my site for the story behind it and NOT for it’s drink quality!!!
Anyway hope this made you smile! Go enjoy the sunshine if you’re in LA today